schooling yourself...

I don't know about the rest of you guys, but school feels a bit sucky right now...



I just had one of my worst experiences in the whole of my academic
life, and the easiest exam I've ever taken happen in the same day.
After staying up all night working on a business plan for my finance
class, we bombed. The team got cut off midway, in one of my most
humiliating presentations ever. What made it worse was the fact that
the "best" presentation was a reconstructed copy of a model that I
helped create last summer. (thieves I say...)



But enough of this ranting... Its a good thing that we had a very,
very, very easy exam in the afternoon. It was one of the only two good
things about today. The other good thing? Well, that's my little
secret.. ^__^



It doesn't make school easier though... Its still tough. How tough?



We still have to see...

sigh...

Hi there boys and girls...

Miss me much? Well, I miss myself too... It's been a while isn't it? I've been so busy lately, and so very preoccupied. I don't want to even bother talking about it.

I'm at work right now (encoder at a law firm), but its downtime so I guess that's why I'm able to write right now. So, where do I start? Oh, its exam week this week, and I have yet to review my notes, much less start researching for my midterm paper. Well I have, but its really not enough.

So right now I'm stuck at the conceptualization stage. I've got a paper on the relationship of wages and education in the Philippine setting in my Labor Economics theory class; Collaborative Strategies, Open-Sourcing, and Decomponentation in my Business Policy Class; and a business model of our own school for my Business Finance class. All of these to be passed sometime at the end of the week. Sound bullish? Not quite enough.

I'd like to give a big CONGRATULATIONS to Katia for being on the way to fulfilling her life-long dream. I'm so happy for you. Really, I am. I just wish that I'd be as lucky as you. Also to Erick, for taking the steps to fulfill his as well (you know what I mean ^_^). And to Kristine, for striving to become the doctor that she dreams to be.

As for me... well... I'm still a bit lost.

Very lost...

Its like I'm swimming in a sea of uncertainty. Not knowing what to expect at every turn, groping in the dark as I trudge along this fragile existence.

I try so hard not to show to anyone how hard I'm struggling. I always try to be the one who has it all together. But inside, its like I'm dying, slowly giving in to the darkness that threatens to consume me.

I'm scared of the possibilty that I might just give up and throw this all away. And for what? So that I can be free. Free of all the weight of the responsibility being the one to make it better for all of us. When I know that if I even attempt such a thing, I'd go under just like the lot of them. They'd just pull me down with them in their sinking boat. And I'd become more miserable. Miserable just like them.

I know I'm not making sense right now. But for those who know me, they would understand.

If only I had someone to hold me up. But you're so far away. And I cannot burden you because you have your own dreams to pursue. And I understand.

But I just need someone to help me get through this... even just for a little while...

Oh well, I guess I've said enough for now...

Untill next time then...

ciao...